The Survivor

Tough experiences and situations do some transformations, and the outcome is the birth of one of two products. 

A Graced or A Bitter Survivor

Whatever the result, the individual might look great on the outside, with no sign of what he has gone through, or the battles he has fought. However, when an event triggers the nostalgia (whether positive or negative), "You will be informed"! The reaction(s) you get, will be just a clue of how well he survived a past experience.

As a graced survivor, his scars are a reminder of his victory. No matter how gruesome his experience might have been,  his goal is to ensure no one else feels those pains. Like a mother hen, he wants to protect, to guide and to guard. With a promise to himself that no one else should be a victim of the same circumstances he faced. Afterall, he has fought the fight, no one else should have to fight. And he seeks to ensure that by his own stripes, others should be healed!

But a bitter survivor dreads his scars. They are a memorial of his pains. Also worse is his desire to not suffer the pains alone. The next person needs to feel them too, directly or indirectly, even though they might be oblivious of his pains. He rejoices when  he hears a worse story than his, or when he sees others go through pains.  In reality, he does not mind inflicting pains on others too. Muttering words like, "You must know how it feels!" His actions are often characterised by anger, irritation, resentment, fear, disappointment and lack of control.

Nevertheless, before you judge the bitter survivor, understand his anguish. He only wants to express his pains. He only wants to let it go, but does not understand how to. If only he could see that there is a love, a lift and a light over his shadows. If only he could be taught how to love, in order to bring an end to a cycle of bitterness which could be passed on.

To play your part, be concious of your reactions, be a bearer of grace, and never be one to inflict a pain!

Happy 2024!

At all at all na'im bad!

                                                                                                                                 

 So, I promised myself that I was going to publish a writing at least once a year!

It seemed like a task easy to achieve, but here I am on the 28th of December at 8:30pm, jolting at the thought that it has been 362 days since my last published post. 

                                                      

Well, I had scribbled a few thoughts and ideas in my journal in the course of the year, but nothing concrete was put together in a write up. To fulfil the promise and to assure myself that I can remain a lady of my words, I will have to publish this. 

Not a write up, but at least a publication. Good job Adebisi!

2022 came with its lessons, dramas, revelations and many more. In the end, we are thankful!

Happy 2023!

Big Little

The year 2021 was indeed an extension of the year 2020, each day with its own peculiarities. Leaving us clinging onto hope, faith and the promise of a future! Thankfully, an inspiration came, to write, even when I least expected. 

She definitely has a point! Who ever invented calling a younger one "Little" definitely did not do "Us" any justice. Shouldn't it be time bound? The moment you reach a certain age, you should no longer be called: little or kid brother/sister!

My niece insisted her younger brother should not be called "Little brother". As far as she was concerned, anyone above the age of 2 is no longer little. Even though she does not mind him being called her "Big brother", I doubt she would have that same view in a few years to come 😆. Why did I not revolt a long time ago? I said to myself after watching her brilliant argument. I have been referred to as "Kid sister" for decades now and for as long as I can remember. It felt like the norm until my niece's argument! 

As the years go by, big sisters and big brothers remain "Big". Well, by reason of their birth position. But for the same reason, little sisters or brothers remain "Little", in that context. Meaning, no matter how old my grandmother is, she would always be seen as a little sister in the eyes of her older siblings. Worse still, she could be referred to as "Kid" sister. 

                                    

Perhaps, they would never see us as big. Afterall, they knew when we were little or even saw us as babies. That must have stuck. And I must say, the position comes with a sense of protection. Reminds me of a friend's mother, whose "Big" brother had to watch her cross a road before turning back to go on his way. He wanted to be sure she was safe, even though she was already a grandmother! 

Well, we appreciate the care! It feels really good most times; until we hear ourselves being called "Kid" sister or brother.  Could we suggest  the adjective - "Younger" instead? That should give all parties some satisfaction.

I might be "Shaking the table" with this article, but truth is, I have been under that table for as long as I can remember, and it looks like it will remain like that, no matter how vigorously I shake the table. Maybe this is only a message of hope. A hope for a change! One person at a time!

Thankful to be ending the year 2021 with an article. Happy New Year 2022!

The 2020

 

 2020! The year the world was brought to a still; the leap year some lives took a leap

No prophecy would have prepared us

No diviner would have best explained it

Nothing would have warned us enough

It was simply unique and uniquely bizarre

Indeed, the herald of a new decade

This time it came with many peals

For some peals of laughter, for others, the opposite

 

Like a thief in the night

Appeared the unannounced war

The world best foot soldiers could not counterattack

It was not a battle for the strong

Even the skilled had to double check

Swords, arms and strengths failed

This fight was with an unforeseen army

At once the world braced up

We would either face it or be faced out

The brave warriors arose

Definitely gender had no role to play

Women and men who understood they were born for such a time as this

Our true heroes, some of whom fell in combat

The health and essential workers we would never forget

 

Threatening like Goliath whilst dropping men dead

We soon realized it was not an empty threat

The monster came pretty much prepared

Confounding even the wisest nations

And confirming the sovereignty and magnitude of a great God

Of course it will fall, exactly like Goliath

Defeated and its carcass given to the birds of the air

Whilst we hang on to faith and hope becomes a treasure

We will overcome, one day at a time

Although the future might seem uncertain

And stability might be beaming only from afar

We must keep holding up

Making the best of every blow dealt us

And be assured that........last last, we will be alright

Waiting for God's choice home

With millions of love video clips on Instagram; fascinating pictures on Snapchat; romantic hashtags on Twitter; affectionate stories and photos on Facebook; movies on perfect and standard marriages everywhere, the world paints us a fantasy. A mirage we blindly buy, deeply absorb and wishfully live. All of these make waiting dreadful, and portray it as a period solely for the unlucky. Although, these models are a mere charade, it takes only a wise person to remain strong and unflinching.

What then is left of a waiting woman? All around her is the ‘ideal’ life and she feels un-fit. Especially in an environment where there is a marriage ceremony almost every weekend. Some of which she must attend! Smile her way through aunties and uncles, saying ‘Amen!’ to the different prayers that remind her of how much she is expected to grab the next available suitor. She is pushed to return to her closet and cry: “Lord, carest thou not that I am single?” It sometimes feels like an uneasy journey, exclusively meant for the forgotten.

Depending on one’s understanding, waiting is actually a blessing! A time to cherish and enjoy, while it lasts. Of a truth, just like the vision described in Habakkuk 2v3, it will surely come, even though it tarries; whilst not forgetting God’s promise in Isaiah 34v16, that none shall lack a mate. Therefore, the waiting period is that meant for preparation, self-awareness and personal development. A time to discover passion, to learn, to build, to understand, to love and to appreciate oneself. A time to be conscious that "Her race is different", and must be run differently.  A time one cannot return to once it is over.

The revelation of this truth about waiting, helps a woman build the inner strength needed to withstand pressure and confusion. She is equipped with a knowledge which helps her discern and shove distractions, as well as stand firm in the face of sexual, peer and even social media influences.

Girded with the right facts, from the word of God and spirit inspired teachings through books and podcasts, a woman is assured that the waiting time is not a desperate period, which makes every fruit look like the right one. Thus, she is patient, and would never settle for anything below God’s standard.

A choice-home is beautiful, but it is not the sole purpose of a woman’s existence. The knowledge of God’s purpose for one’s life is very important. While a woman awaits her life partner, she must continue on an intimate journey with her maker, and adorn herself with both spiritual, emotional and psychological gifts which her world needs. With the wealth of strength, wisdom, prowess, which she gathers in this period, she begins exibiting being a blessing, continues as a blessing after she says I DO!, and she remains a blessing, like the Proverbs 31 woman.

Having said all, a godly foundation is the only antidote to standing the test of time while waiting. It is the only guarantee to coming out strong at the end. Especially in our today’s world, where genuineness is far from reachable. This foundation is not one to begin building when the reality of waiting hits. It takes a process of dwelling constantly in the secret place, developed over a period of time. Being in a relationship first with the King. The result thereof is a kingdom princess, a woman who understands God’s timing. She is strong enough to help others and is convinced that a wait is an advantage.

Article first published in a women's magazine with the title: IN TIMES LIKE THIS....WAITING FOR GOD’S CHOICE HOME

‘A NEW NIGERIA’ - Abhorring wrong & visiting the foundations

The cankerworms gnawing upon us are stronger in number, bigger in shape and greater in size, than the principal icon with seemingly laid-back strategic, progressive and calculative decisions.

Although, the focus has majorly been on the number one person, it would be a great slip-up not to ensure ‘a comprehensive sweep of the entire classroom’.

A pertinent point to admit is that these forces are everywhere, even at the grassroots. And they ravenously guzzle our resources in the best ways they can. Some even claiming to have the right backings for a number of their ballgames. We, ‘the common man’, are already caught in a web, and to avoid getting more entangled, we must be practical, tactical and apperceive in our actions.

When there are only a few good heads in government, the effect is that, they keep “trying to make common sense”, but they never do! It is time to flood the political space with people of sincere and genuine interests, especially at heart and not by mouth. This is not just in electing the young, as some young ones might walk in the paths of their ‘outgoing’ fathers. The onus is on us to ensure a complete blockage of all the major loop holes wherein these pirates thrive and get away with their loots.
Remove many immunities and "make the price for doing wrong higher than the cost of doing things right". At the moment, it is virtually the exact opposite in Nigeria.

Moreover, we must begin to compare the present with the future - the big picture we hope to achieve. If it does not seem to align, then, we must immediately re-strategize. Not wait another four precious years! Sometimes, we make the past a standard for the present. We then begin to rejoice if we have a little breathe of fresh air. When in actual fact, we should not even be choking. This mind set only makes us complacent and literally, retrogressive. We would continue to get it wrong if the yardstick is comparing the present ‘saint’ with the previous ‘crooks’, even though the present saint does not have a motor to move us forward. The focus should be on who can march us ahead and not make us stagnant, pull us back or continue to play the blame game.

Our ability to understand that we cannot keep on gambling with our future, especially with those who would not actively suffer the consequences with us, is also very crucial. A quick reference to the words of the English economist, Tim Harford, which says, “Any project is most likely to be successful if the people who benefit from its success are the same people who make it possible”. Therefore, do not count on our so-called leaders to bother about projects like:
Education - their children rarely attend local schools
Health Care - they can always go abroad
Good Roads – there are private jets and sophisticated vehicles available for them or
Electricity - they do not understand what power failure means anymore.

Leaders, young and old, who would unflinchingly gulp huge sums of money monthly, as allowances, from the reportedly insufficient funds; who would rather watch us wallow in debts, than make sacrifices for the citizens they swore to serve; who wish we do not understand how much they are preying on us, but that we continue to see them as demigods. Leaders whose eyes and ears neither see our pains, nor hear our cries. How can they understand the wails of an average man?

An average tax payer, he spends in traffic, a half of his productive hours, but is never paid for it. He writhes in distress, knowing how much of his monthly salary goes into taxes, which should supposedly make his life better. Rather, he is rewarded with poor medical care, power outage and a cause to worry about the future. He generates his own electricity, water, security and pays his medical bills. That man deserves some accolades. He is a unique nation.
The above scenarios of the leader and the average tax payer, are not in sync. Two different people running different races. They do not have the same worries and their interests are completely parallel. The gap will never be bridged, not under the current circumstances, unless consciously cambered and these two characters begin to put feet in similar shoes.

Whilst we might be interested in trading an era of reactivity for that of proactivity, suffice to say, it would take more than mere words or airing thoughts on the internet. Yes, it would take having a PVC (permanent voter’s card) and voting, but much more. Of what impact are the votes when the foundations upon which we stand are shallow? There is no assurance that even with a young man, there would be a huge success. He might only end up giving us tales of how much he is handicapped or limited. As seen in the case of the Minister of Power, Works and Housing. It indeed must feel like ‘carrying the weight of the world upon his shoulders’.

In conclusion, ‘A New Nigeria’ requires examining the structure on which we are currently governed. Whether with an old or young, man or woman. We need leaders who would put in place a structure that strangles wrong deeds, flushes filth and hates injustice. A new Nigeria requires a thorough review of the constitution and other standards or general principles on which we run, thereafter blotting out all of the inhibiting factors. Having said all, let us vote and stand only for people who are ready to be held accountable and can take on the tasks of restructuring, when they get into government. People who would be willing to give up power when the going gets tougher and they seem not tough enough to get going. 

God Bless Nigeria!

The tie between KLM’s deportation antics and slave trade

Voila! C’est ça!! That is what we are talking about!!!

I was pretty impressed by the reaction of the other Nigerians on board the KLM flight from Amsterdam to Lagos towards the trussed-up Nigerian deportee. Well, the deportation case is a different subject, but the sight of him being chained definitely would get one close to tears. This should be plainly condemned.

Common, every man, especially a Nigerian, loves freedom. So, psychological, he is in chains, locked up in a country where he has a lot of restrictions. The closest he can get to his family back home is via video call. Why bind him again when returning him home? The chains and cuffs were absolutely unnecessary.

Even if it appears that our government has become really busy to fight for our people in diaspora, thanks to social media and smart devices, we can stand united. Soon, caution would be taken when handling us as Nigerians and our dignity would gradually be restored. It is time we stopped having a repeat of demeaning incidences, especially one like the recent incomprehensible occurrence with the Nigerian students in India.

We can no longer sit still and watch. If we keep thinking it does not affect us directly, as long as we cannot change our skin colour, the truth is, our collective brand image is at stake. I long for that day, hopefully in the nearest future, when I would proudly say I am a Nigerian and get positive expressions on people’s faces. We really have to rebrand this image of ours, consciously and wisely. One occasion and one person at a time.

Although, I was not born at the time of ‘the slave trade’, credence to history, I could imagine and picture the time as I saw the condition of the Nigerian who was to be deported in that video. With the poem below, I tried connecting the past and the present.


*********************************








Captured and traded like merchandise
We were bound in chains
Across oceans, we sailed to unknown destinations
Freely jettisoned when we appeared feeble
Without a voice, our future was decided, confirmed and sealed
It appeared like the best, the way to go

Violently taken away from all we knew
We were plundered, looted and robbed
Our loved ones became existent only in the mirrors of our hearts
Eyes would never again behold them
Liberty became a tale we soon forgot
We ‘are’ royalty but a knowledge successfully buried

All for our natural, physical and mental wealth
We were displaced
And devoid of knowledge to survive or manage the wealth
We were returned to a divided territory with differing interests and tongues
To this day we struggle to swim through the rivers of confusion
But even in diversity, we still stand

Decades gone and trying to find our feet
We are still bound in physical chains
This time to return us to our own fatherland
Such an incredible irony
But now we have a voice, NO to being hobbled like animals
We now have a worth and a knowledge of our royalty

*********************************

Having said all, being bound in chains made the matter worse. It belittles us. Many thanks to the other Nigerians, who still understand that we should be treated with a little decency at the very least.

Nigeria will get there, we have begun the journey and soon we would have no need to be voluntary slaves in foreign countries. But while we are at getting it right, we deserve some decency, we deserve some regards, we deserve respect. And although acting right wherever we find ourselves will earn us this respect, standing up to correct those who already have an awry perception or impression about our identity would go a very long way.

God Bless Nigeria!

the Truth about Identity

Nigerian parents proudly say these days and with all confidence too: Oh! My child only speaks the English Language.  Interesting!

It is for sure a beautiful thing to be able to stand out from the crowd and present yourself, your speech or even your ideas gracefully and fluently in a language acceptable by many. There is indeed great pride in discussing with friends from different parts of the world and flow excellently well, understanding every conversation and more importantly, being understood. You are no doubt respected and in fact, there is a personal feeling of poise, brilliance and self-confidence. Certainly, people will relate better with you than with those who struggle or stutter at their words in English Language. You definitely have an edge.

However, that's about where it all ends. Not until you leave the shores of your own country before you realize that no matter how much you try, you are who you are. No matter how fluent your English is, you are not English.  No matter how strong your American accent is, Americans know themselves. 

You would be often asked questions like: 'Where are you from?' for obvious reasons of course, and the only thing that would remind you of your root would be your name, well, if you have a local name. 😊  Only then, would you wonder and ask yourself, “If I don't belong fully abroad, I hope I fit and can even ‘balance well’ at home?”

There is a need, an urgent one too, to be able to identify with our roots, and also be able to prove that identity!

A number of us are familiar with the reports on languages. But just to reiterate, "The brain is not biologically set to learn only one language" quoting expert Laura-Ann Petitto, ‘a Cognitive Neuroscientist, popularly known for her discoveries about the biological foundations of language’.  Another research, according to an article in ‘Daily Mail Online’ says that “People who can switch between two languages seamlessly have a higher level of mental flexibility than monolinguals”.

Perhaps, we have been under utilizing the potentials and abilities of our children. A statement like 'Yoruba will spoil my child's English' is a proven myth. There are many people who communicate well in their local language and still speak the English language fluently. As strong as the French accent is, there are French with great American accents and who would have you believe that they are Americans until they begin to speak perfect French. How did they achieve that? Well, you can never know how much ability you've got until you try to discover.  Experts say that the best way is to speak local languages to our wards at home and have them learn the other languages at school. In fact, have them learn a third or fourth language. Start from when they are young.

Also worth mentioning, is the sweetness in switching between languages at the perfect place and at the right time too. Turning to that comfort zone even in the tightest corner; when it only makes sense to talk to mum about that pressing family issue; dad about the next giant step you are about to take and discuss that friend that grates on your nerves with your sister, IN YOUR LOCAL LANGUAGE. Whilst still feeling safe that you have neither divulged confidential issues nor 'washed your dirty linens in public'

Again, our true identity lies in our root, our root is defined by our culture, and our culture is reflected in that local language. We cannot afford to have a generation without an identity. Though it might seem to be fading out, we still have a chance to revive our culture and revival will start by ensuring we pass on our local language and the importance of it, to generations after us.

We hope to build a generation of leaders who have names like Omotola, Chidinma and Chawai and can fluently speak Yoruba, Igbo and Hausa respectively.

God Bless Nigeria!

References and for further reading on how many languages a child can learn:

Ute Limacher-Riebold, Expat Since Birth, https://expatsincebirth.com/2013/08/19/how-many-languages-can-a-child-learn/

Daily Mail Online, Science & Tech, http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2600623/Language-biological-instinct-Babies-dont-learn-develop-speech-theyre-BORN-ability.html

I AM NIGERIA, and here is another picture of me

Every name has a meaning, perhaps, a significance. However, some actually carry more weight than others.  So, what comes to mind when you hear names like Nelson Mandela, Barack Obama, Michael Jackson, Mohammed Ali, Mikel Obi, Cristiano Ronaldo, Lionel Messi, (am I becoming a football fan?) or Adebisi Adeyemi? 😊 And places like Dubai, London, Paris, New York or even Seychelles?

Nigeria (informationng.com)

Asides what you think of these names, have you imagined what other people from different parts of the world think of them too? Most times, interestingly, you have similar views as many others because, there seem to be a general or popular knowledge. The beautiful pictures of these people and places are often painted, over and over, that sometimes, you might even choose to ignore their ugly sides.

Okay then, tell me what comes to mind when you hear the name Nigeria? If you ask me, at the mention of the name 'Nigeria', I see: ‘Giant of Africa, a beautiful country, a land of brain and beauty, a land of plenty, flowing with milk and honey, and, the list is endless’. I am right, in fact, very correct. But, I am also interested in knowing what the world thinks of this great country, Nigeria. Do they share the same thoughts and knowledge? Please, don’t be quick to answer.

Whenever I proudly introduce myself to friends from other countries, I look out for the expressions on their faces immediately I say ‘I am Nigerian’. While some of them try to hide their surprises, others actually confront me with words like: ‘How are you guys handling 'Boko Haram' in your country? Or ‘I heard there was an attack last night in the northern part of Nigeria’. More surprisingly, some of my Nigerian friends have been asked questions like ‘Are your parents politicians?’ (Of course, you know that is just a nice way to say; ‘Are you being funded by stolen money?’). How can you blame them? That is about the only news the world hears of us. Corruption and Insecurity. And no matter how good we see ourselves, the other side of the story is known only to us or a negligible number of others. Oh! I mustn't forget to add that some friends absolutely love Nigerian music too (yeah, that's a credit)!

I am currently doing a write up about Nigeria, and I would like to include a few facts, especially on ‘What the world does not know about Nigeria’. While we are not trying to 'sweep our dirt under the carpet', we must acknowledge that the other side of our picture looks really beautiful. I know there is more to us than the abundance of natural wealth, beauty and brain. Please tell me, I need ideas. Maybe I should start by saying: 'We have the most colorful and beautiful traditional weddings!' and ehmm... 'We love cars!!' (that's definitely debatable but, I have my facts).

Your ideas and comments will be very much appreciated and I just cannot wait to discover much more about my country than even I know. It is time to make the world see beyond the propaganda of the media. There is indeed more to us than the world knows. Please, let's share them here.
(I trust we would share valid points, but, kindly ensure they are proven facts too.) Thank you.

God Bless Nigeria! 

The Nigerian Coat of Arms -
A symbol of our National Identity
(Every feature gives a beautiful description of Nigeria)

Subsidy Removal in Nigeria - The beginning of the 'change'?

Yes!!! I exclaimed as I threw a punch in the air. The news of subsidy removal in Nigeria suddenly lightened my mood. Alas! A major step to the ‘change’ we have been waiting for and the best news about Nigeria in recent days.

Like a poke in the ribs to keep moving; the decision seems to give a glimpse of hope. The apparently dark, endless and frustrating tunnel, suddenly has a flash of light to encourage anyone about to throw in the towel. (A number of us are only trying to keep the hope alive anyway) Perhaps, we will get there some day.

Although, it is said that ‘a stitch in time saves nine’, we no doubt have more than nine stitches to make right now but it is not too late.
It reminds me of a write up I did in 2012 (http://adebisiadeyemi.blogspot.fr/2016/05/my-nigeria-beyond-subsidy.html) during the ‘occupy Nigeria’ rally (which never saw the light of day by the way – until now). We should have taken this step a long time ago but after 4 bleak years, it looks like we have all woken up.

I am certain we would not have as many people opposing the brilliant decision this time – it is called ‘learning the hard way’.

Nigerians are smart, very smart but we really need to be forward thinking. Time to fight for the future and not just the present. And definitely, Nigeria would come out as gold after being tried in this fire!

I love Nigeria! I believe in Nigeria! God bless Nigeria!

Link to the old write up on subsidy: http://adebisiadeyemi.blogspot.fr/2016/05/my-nigeria-beyond-subsidy.html